Well, the water cooler reviews are officially in. Career Builder ad: funny. Honda CRV ad: nostalgic. Chrysler ad: polarizing. David Beckham for H&M ad: misunderstood (pun intended).

My overall assessment, for the umpteenth year in a row? Predictable. For the hefty price tag of $3.5 million for 30 seconds of airtime, you’d think advertisers would’ve caught on by now that over 40 percent of Super Bowl viewers are actually women.

Apparently they haven’t. Well over 50 spots aired during the most watched annual sporting event in the United States, and only a handful even remotely attempted to appeal to women.

Surely, all those car, food and electronics manufacturers must know something about what makes us tick. I suspect some are married to a woman, have parented one, maybe have a few female friends. I’ll even go so far as to say some actually are women. You know, we loyal consumers who make 85% of all brand purchases.

That being said, Super Bowl advertisers, I have to ask: “What were you thinking?”

A baby being slingshot across the yard to fetch a bag of chips? Really, Doritos? All your commercial did was make me question why someone would leave their kids at home with a wheelchair-bound grandma.

Marketing execs at Coca-Cola, we get it. Polar bears are cute. At least that’s the one (and only) message I got from your multi-million dollar Super Bowl ads.

No wonder nearly 60 percent of women feel misunderstood by food marketers. Thing is, I’m pretty sure we’re the ones that do most of the food shopping.

Not everyone missed the mark, though. Dannon deserves a shout-out for its Greek yogurt commercial. What woman isn’t a sucker for high protein yogurt and good old Uncle Jesse?

A couple of the car ads were pretty good. Chevy’s Super Grad 2012 ad was laugh-out-loud funny. And the heartfelt elements of the Toyota Connections ad struck a chord with me. Statistically speaking, a tug at the heartstrings doesn’t necessarily make people like me want to run out and buy a Camry, but nice try Toyota.

On second thought, let’s not even go there with the car ads. The only conclusion I can draw after Sunday’s onslaught of commercials is that women no longer drive. I wonder how they get all of their groceries home?

But, I digress.

The bottom line is, consumer brands of America, you have a long way to go when it comes to appealing to an increasingly large and influential demographic of female sports fans. We’re here. We watch. We buy a lot of stuff. Show us some love. We’ll show you the money.

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